So, why? The answers for many men vary, yet in a way, they are also the same. Let's summarize them, we also saw them in the functional part...
In the summer of 2021, when our life-consuming incomes were followed by restrictions kept at their lowest possible level, we once again started receiving wedding convoys, "Save The Date" messages, and bridal headpiece prices. While many people were happy to finally have their postponed weddings, on the other hand, there were many gentlemen who were completely uninterested in becoming a groom. We decided to focus on them. Especially men, particularly members of the "Millennial Generation," generally do not want to get married. So, why?
When Was Marriage Invented?
This is not a rebellion, but a valid question. From a societal perspective, we can call marriage an evolutionary step. There are many explanations for how it happened, but we will discuss what we learned from Karl Marx. The story unfolds like this: In primitive humans, there was no religious, moral, or legal bond. It was possible for anyone to mate with any partner they desired and have children, driven by the urge to reproduce. One reason for this freedom, of course, was that there was no concept of a societal structure yet. It was only with the agricultural revolution, when fences were built and everyone began to cultivate their own land, that the concept of private property emerged. So, what then? Primitive humans became more selective and formed more binding relationships with partners who ensured the continuation of their lineage. Because at stake was the transfer of lands and inheritance. In summary, the free mating of primitive humans, with the advent of private property and concepts such as succession and inheritance, laid the foundations for the concept of primitive society and, consequently, marriage as we know it today. You can even fondly remember the Egyptians for their contribution to the emergence of those very expensive diamond rings. The Egyptians, who believed that the circle symbolized eternity and that a vein on the left ring finger went to the heart, were the first to use "wedding rings." However, don't be too hard on the Egyptians, because they wore rings made of straw, grass, and reeds. Diamonds peaked most during World War II. And they don't seem to have any intention of coming down...
So, Why This Stubbornness?
Some men can even turn into a triathlon runner when it comes to marriage. 😉 The reluctance of men to marry and their resistance to it is not unique to our society, nor is it exclusive to a specific generation. A little research reveals that there is a tendency not to marry in many different cultures around the world. The reasons are actually not superficial at all.
Let's take a look:
Family Factor
As we all grow up, we become close observers of the relationship between our parents and first learn about relationships through this model. How the relationship and communication between parents are determines what kind of perspective we might have in the future. For this reason, it would not be wrong to say, at the very least, that individuals who have not witnessed a very good relationship in their family are a little more distant from marriage.
Upbringing
We know this has many facets, but we'll focus more on certain behaviors of mothers towards their sons. Clinical Psychologist Tuna Tümer evaluates it this way: Mothers who love their sons very much... Children who generally get everything they want easily, or rather, whose wishes are easily granted, are seen to take less responsibility in later life. However, there is a truth that has existed since primitive times and still manifests itself; a man's ability to prove himself, to create the space for self-realization he needs simply because he is a man, and to achieve self-fulfillment, is only possible through taking responsibility. Therefore, it can be said that mothers' overly protective and self-sacrificing attitudes towards their sons, in a way, hinder their self-realization and their ability to take responsibility.
Blurring of the Line Between Men and Women
Let's hope we aren't branded old-fashioned, but there's a reality: the line between masculinity and femininity is no longer as thick as it used to be. There are many men with more feminine attitudes and images, and many women with more masculine attitudes and images. Yet, a primitive side of us still exists. From a scientific perspective, men feeling more "masculine" is not related to a "patriarchal" structure. Men may still need a protective, possessive, and responsible mission to establish and realize themselves. This disruption in the balance between men and women can be one of the obstacles to marriage. What we should understand from this is very well expressed by blogger James Michael Sama, who has millions of readers: "I think we need to make a clear distinction between the concepts of 'power' and 'independence' within an individual's life and within a relationship. A successful relationship is teamwork, and teams only win if they work together for a common goal. In that case, a happy life is possible."
Economic Reasons
We assume no one denies that marriage requires a serious budget. We're talking about expenses costing thousands of liras. This situation poses a bit of a problem for men. Although it varies in every culture, in our culture, the wedding costs fall to the groom's side, which is a heavy burden. However, surprisingly, looking at the world in general, it is observed that people with higher education and income levels marry more frequently. Furthermore, research highlights that those with lower income levels often do not have sufficient budgets for marriage.
Fears and Responsibilities
Men, by their nature, are still creatures dominated by a free spirit. Marriage, for many men, can be seen as a restriction by their partners' families, society, and their spouses, especially regarding their social life. Beyond the restriction of their freedom, their fears also include not being in love with the same person for life and missing out on a better option. The increased responsibility after starting a family is another factor: they are reluctant to define themselves solely as a father, a protector. While this may seem to contradict what we just said about self-realization, it doesn't; the situation is similar for women. No one wants to restrict themselves with a definition that would override their individuality.
Societal Positioning of Marriage
There's also this, of course: marriage has always been considered the highest achievement in society. Look at the world of politics; a stable family is still among the qualities of a good politician. However, this is changing. Many opposing views are emerging, from marriage being an intervention in human evolution to the state legalizing "love life." According to information cited from a Pew report, especially among Generation Y, 67% of those aged 18-29, 53% of those aged 30-49, and 55% of those aged 50 and over believe that having other, more individual priorities than getting married and starting a family contributes to a healthier societal structure.
Monogamy and Hypergamy
Monogamy is still a controversial topic. Although the view that we are not monogamous creatures from an evolutionary perspective, and that very few mammals can be monogamous, predominates, the existence of monogamous relationships is also found when looking at primitive tribes. This phenomenon, which men always keep in mind, is a major obstacle to marriage, and if we were to view it as "by nature," we cannot interpret this as "getting honey from every flower." Nor can we consider someone like J.F. Kennedy, who said, "I can't go 4 hours without sex," a satyrist (heaven forbid!). Furthermore, a woman's nature is prone to hypergamy. Their choice of the most muscular, strongest-gened men, who today have the highest social status and income levels, should not be labeled as "gold digging." From a male perspective, the general view is that both reasons make marriage an institution to be avoided.
There are many different reasons and perspectives shaped by various cultures. It's impossible to list them all, of course. Moreover, it would be beyond us to state a conclusion. Our advice might simply be that before taking such a step, two people should get to know each other well and, perhaps more importantly, know what they want.